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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

WalMart is run by a bunch of hypocritical noodniks.

Wanna know how I know? I don't care. I'm going to tell you anyway.

If you go to a WalMart, and you're shopping for CDs, you may notice that you can't buy the "un-edited" versions of many CDs if an "edited" version also exists. In fact, WalMart frequently FORCES the creation of such discs in order to allow them to be sold in the hallowed temple of Sam.

Well, this policy apparently doesn't carry over to their internet site.

I recently purchased, from their site, at a great price, too, the 3-disc epic "Electromagnetic Steamboat," by the Fugs. It's Rhino Handmade's compilation of all of the Albums the Fugs released on Warner/Reprise during the late 60s, and contains such wonderful songs (uncut!) as "Wide Wide River":

River of shit
River of shit
Roll on, Roll on,
River of shit.

And who can forget "The Divine Toe, Part 2?"

As I see you
Standing in a sable robe
And your breasts that launched a thousand rounds
You twirl through the night
Your mons veneris
Shines like Chichen Itza
In the jungle dawn
I get...
HORNY! HORNY, HORNY, HORNY, HORNY, HORNY!

Or my absolute favorite Fugs song, the hilarious Belle of Avenue A, a pseudo-country truckin' ballad about a horny truck driver who drives to the dive of his favorite hippie prostitute, where they do all kinds of bizarre things until he finally falls asleep in a bathtub of Mazola Oil, "in her loving arms," and she passes the time by "drilling herself with an onyx-handled tapir snout!'

Yes, folks, Walmart is no different than the fabled old spinster who screams about pornography her whole life,and then, when she dies, they find cases of the stuff in her house. You just have to know where to look...

TT

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