Tom Tuerff's Glob -- er, Blog, or something

The night before last I had this vivid dream that my friend Nancy Freeman was walking through our house, naked, looking for breath mints.

I have no idea.
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I used to be the editor of a restaurant magazine. Regardless, since I haven't been an editor of said magazine for nearly two years now, my e-mail is still flooded with press releases I can't use. I continue to get them for purely business reasons but every so often I get one that raises questions. Or amuses me. Or both.

Case in point:

(This one was in my e-mail this morning)


34 Year Veteran of Ft. Wayne Arby’s Restaurant Honored for having the

Longest Tenure at 2004 Arby’s Worldwide Franchise Convention


FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (November 1, 2004) – Deb Kuhn, Team Member at a Ft. Wayne Arby’s restaurant, was honored at the 2004 Arby’s Worldwide Franchise Convention for having the longest tenure in the entire Arby’s system at 34 years. Arby’s, which is celebrating its 40th anniversary this year, presented Kuhn with a plaque and a Rolex Watch.

Kuhn, who was born in New Haven, Ind. and attended Southside High School, began her career at Arby’s in February of 1971. She enjoyed her first 10 years at the Arby’s on Rudisill Blvd., before moving to another Ft. Wayne Arby’s for six years. Kuhn has spent the last 18 years at the Arby’s located at 3524 E. State Blvd., in Ft. Wayne. Kuhn currently works back line and food prep.

According to Doug Benham, President and CEO of Arby’s, LLC, Kuhn has excelled in many areas throughout her career. “Deb’s commitment to Arby’s is truly inspirational. She has been a valued team member for over three decades. It makes everyone’s job easier knowing that you can rely on someone like Deb.”   

Okay, stop.

First of all, never mind that the math is wrong in the article, unless they're just ASSUMING she's gonna still be there in '05. (Seems like a pretty safe bet.)

It's one thing to want to get a job when you're in high school; that's what places like Arby's are for. (I never did this, but then if I hadn't had the steady swing shift job mopping blood off the ER floor at John C. Lincoln hospital, I might have.)

But at some point, if you work there long enough, you would hope to move on with your life. Or at least get PROMOTED.

I don't know what a "promotion" is at Arby's. Do you move from front counter to fries? Do you get to make sandwiches without a valid food handler's card? What?

Certainly, sooner or later you'd want something MORE. All this woman has attained in 34 years of working at ARBYs is she's a fucking SANDWICH MAKER!

She should be PRESIDENT OF ARBY's by now! Hell, former president and Owner-emeritus or something!

And after 34 years, her hourly wage must be like $1,000 an hour. So why doesn't she use some of that money and BUY A FUCKING ARBY's FRANCHISE? She's already AT the convention, fer chrissakes. Hell, they should GIVE her a franchise.

One thing's for sure. She accidentally drops that Rolex in the deep fryer and there'll be hell to pay.

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Remember...tomorrow's my birthday. I want a new President. And a new Sheriff. And I want those stupid Paul Babbit/Rick Renzi ads off my TV.

At least I know one of those will come true...

Go vote. No excuses.

TT