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Friday, December 03, 2004

Actual headline on Internet News:

"Report: Unemployment Causes Suicide"

NO SHIT??!!! LOUIE! STOP THE PRESSES! SOMEBODY CALL BROKAW BACK! HE NEEDS TO BREAK THIS ONE TO THE PUBLIC!"

Jesus Christ. What's next:

"Report: Alcohol cited as chief cause of alcoholism"

"Report: People frequently die in head-on collisons"

"Report: Sky blue, experts say"

Unbelievable. How much money went into that research?

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Here's a way to mildly annoy someone you've never met and will never see.

Go to the store and flip through any magazine until a subscription card falls out of it. Now, take the card home, and sit at your computer. Log on to www.WhitePages.com
and make up a name. Make it a common name so you're not there all day: Michael Mooney. Robert Smith. Joe Jurgensen. Whatever.

Type in the name and put in states until you come up with somebody. You will get their full address.

Fill out the subscription card with your new friend's address and send it in. It's free. When the magazine starts showing up at his house, the guy can either cancel or keep getting it, if he likes it.

Imagine the confusion: "Harry, did you order Turkey Basting Monthly?" "No, Wilma, I thought YOU bought it!"

No one gets hurt and you have the satisfaction of knowing, with very little work, that you're confusing the hell out of somebody.

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TV Shows you're not likely to see:

"Let's Masturbate!"
"George Carlin: The 'I'm not angry anymore' Special"
"Former 'Apprentice' Smack-Down Wrestling"
"This Fucking House"
"Antiques, My Ass!"
"The Tonight Show Starring David Halberstam"
"All Zappa, All Night!"
"NBC Nightly News with Cheech and Chong"
"Meet The Press" hosted by Weird Al Yankovic
"The Shopping Network Sex Toys Hour" with Rip Taylor
TV Movie: "The Littlest Teamster"

TT

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