Thursday, June 23, 2005
I have bitched about this before but I'm going to bitch about it again:
I have got to learn how to change my own freakin' website.
Why is this so hard? Why will no one tell me what the hell to do? All anybody says is,
"Oh, that's not hard."
YES IT IS! IT IS FOR ME! Meanwhile, strippers named KeeKee with minus IQs are changing their websites while mine sits festering with gigs I played a year ago. And the reason for that is because the lady I used to have changing it moved away. And I feel like a dope sending her updates, 'cause then SHE has to find the time to do it and that's imposing on her time. It would be nice if I could learn how to do this. But it remains a secret mystery of geeks and strippers.
I used to own tomtuerff.com; had it bought for me, in fact, as a present, and it died a year later (I think -- hell, I don't know) 'cause I had no idea what the heck to do with it. I would plug in the URL and it would say, "There's nothing here yet." No shit, Sherlock! That's because nobody will tell me where the happy button is that will take me to Magic Web Land so that I can occasionally change MY FREAKIN' GIG SCHEDULE.
Sheesh.
Even then I'm not sure what I'd do when I got there, seeing as how I've never actually seen Website Wally World. Are there rides? Is there a line?
I've had people volunteer to help. Then I tell them I have a Mac and it's like, "Oh, I don't do that." And then I tell them they're AOL sites and they say, "Oh I REALLY don't do that." (My business website hasn't been changed in nearly ten years because I lost the name of the person who did it and she also forgot how to get in and change it anyway.)
I bolded or italicized something on this blog, and I have no idea how I did that, since the browsers I use don't show all of the tools that you people with PCs get to play with. And when they do show up all they do when I push them is delete what I've typed already. (You're reading the second pass at this, by the way, for that very reason.)
All that proves is that PC people refuse to admit MACs are better and they want them to go away. But I'm NEVER going over to the dark side. You can keep your constant attacks from Darth Virus. I'll stay over here with Steve Jobs's Jedi fighters and be creative.
Of course I could be even more creative if somebody would tell me why everybody seems to know where the magic website changing room is and I don't.
Why can't I just go to my website and have the computer know it's me (I have a camera on top of it, after all -- isn't that like an eye?) and let me select and change the copy like it's a Word document or something? Or Quark?
Now a lot of you are saying, "look stupid, it doesn't work like that." No kidding. It should, though.
I once bought a book called "How to design a website." It had a neat CD with all kinds of cool stuff on it; I built the main page, I knew where I wanted it to be, and all the book had to say about putting it up was: "Now, just load it your site and you're on your way!" Like everybody knows how to do that.
HOW????!!!! YOU STUPID BOOK, HOW DO I DO THAT!!!! AGGGHGGGGGHEEEEEE!!!!
I got very mad.
If somebody out there has a Mac and wants to show me how to break through the wall that separates me from my AOL websites, and who knows what the admission price is and how much food and water to bring, come and get me. 'Cause I want it. I need it. But for some reason the internet gods are laughing their asses off 'cause they don't want me to have it. And that's starting to piss me off.
TT
I have got to learn how to change my own freakin' website.
Why is this so hard? Why will no one tell me what the hell to do? All anybody says is,
"Oh, that's not hard."
YES IT IS! IT IS FOR ME! Meanwhile, strippers named KeeKee with minus IQs are changing their websites while mine sits festering with gigs I played a year ago. And the reason for that is because the lady I used to have changing it moved away. And I feel like a dope sending her updates, 'cause then SHE has to find the time to do it and that's imposing on her time. It would be nice if I could learn how to do this. But it remains a secret mystery of geeks and strippers.
I used to own tomtuerff.com; had it bought for me, in fact, as a present, and it died a year later (I think -- hell, I don't know) 'cause I had no idea what the heck to do with it. I would plug in the URL and it would say, "There's nothing here yet." No shit, Sherlock! That's because nobody will tell me where the happy button is that will take me to Magic Web Land so that I can occasionally change MY FREAKIN' GIG SCHEDULE.
Sheesh.
Even then I'm not sure what I'd do when I got there, seeing as how I've never actually seen Website Wally World. Are there rides? Is there a line?
I've had people volunteer to help. Then I tell them I have a Mac and it's like, "Oh, I don't do that." And then I tell them they're AOL sites and they say, "Oh I REALLY don't do that." (My business website hasn't been changed in nearly ten years because I lost the name of the person who did it and she also forgot how to get in and change it anyway.)
I bolded or italicized something on this blog, and I have no idea how I did that, since the browsers I use don't show all of the tools that you people with PCs get to play with. And when they do show up all they do when I push them is delete what I've typed already. (You're reading the second pass at this, by the way, for that very reason.)
All that proves is that PC people refuse to admit MACs are better and they want them to go away. But I'm NEVER going over to the dark side. You can keep your constant attacks from Darth Virus. I'll stay over here with Steve Jobs's Jedi fighters and be creative.
Of course I could be even more creative if somebody would tell me why everybody seems to know where the magic website changing room is and I don't.
Why can't I just go to my website and have the computer know it's me (I have a camera on top of it, after all -- isn't that like an eye?) and let me select and change the copy like it's a Word document or something? Or Quark?
Now a lot of you are saying, "look stupid, it doesn't work like that." No kidding. It should, though.
I once bought a book called "How to design a website." It had a neat CD with all kinds of cool stuff on it; I built the main page, I knew where I wanted it to be, and all the book had to say about putting it up was: "Now, just load it your site and you're on your way!" Like everybody knows how to do that.
HOW????!!!! YOU STUPID BOOK, HOW DO I DO THAT!!!! AGGGHGGGGGHEEEEEE!!!!
I got very mad.
If somebody out there has a Mac and wants to show me how to break through the wall that separates me from my AOL websites, and who knows what the admission price is and how much food and water to bring, come and get me. 'Cause I want it. I need it. But for some reason the internet gods are laughing their asses off 'cause they don't want me to have it. And that's starting to piss me off.
TT
Comments:
Urmmm... I haven't been on AOL for ages, but shouldn't AOL be able to tell you how to update your AOL pages?
And speaking of which, when are you going to come on over to Mesa so I can show you how to do this stuff and get my massage?
And speaking of which, when are you going to come on over to Mesa so I can show you how to do this stuff and get my massage?
Hiya, Tom--
Okay, not only am I gonna say "it's not hard to fix your webpage," but I'll see if I can help you a little.
First, you need to log onto AOL Hometown, where your webpage lives. So surf over to hometown.aol.com and log on with your screen name and password (if you can't remember your password, AOL will walk you through resetting it; if you can't remember your AOL screen name, erm, well, then you might be stuck...)
Okay--provided you do manage to get logged on, you then should see a link that says "Edit" somewhere along the top of the page. There should also be links to AOL's two tools for creating and editing homepages, probably over to the right--they're called "1-2-3 Publish" and "Easy Designer." At this point, you'll have to click around and see which of those takes you to what you need to do, because I don't happen to know which tool was originally used for your site, and I personally don't use these tools myself (I'm a professional web-geek who tends to either use Dreamweaver or code directly in HTML). But from the little bit I've played with them, the AOL tools look pretty simple, and make the changes right on your website as soon as you hit "save" or "okay" or whatever.
Even though I don't have much experience with AOL's tools, though, I could probably figure them out with a little screwing around. So if you get stuck, feel free to give me a holler (I'm at mizducky@drizzle.com). Hope this helps at least a little bit!
/the duck
(Zappa geek from tribe.net)
Okay, not only am I gonna say "it's not hard to fix your webpage," but I'll see if I can help you a little.
First, you need to log onto AOL Hometown, where your webpage lives. So surf over to hometown.aol.com and log on with your screen name and password (if you can't remember your password, AOL will walk you through resetting it; if you can't remember your AOL screen name, erm, well, then you might be stuck...)
Okay--provided you do manage to get logged on, you then should see a link that says "Edit" somewhere along the top of the page. There should also be links to AOL's two tools for creating and editing homepages, probably over to the right--they're called "1-2-3 Publish" and "Easy Designer." At this point, you'll have to click around and see which of those takes you to what you need to do, because I don't happen to know which tool was originally used for your site, and I personally don't use these tools myself (I'm a professional web-geek who tends to either use Dreamweaver or code directly in HTML). But from the little bit I've played with them, the AOL tools look pretty simple, and make the changes right on your website as soon as you hit "save" or "okay" or whatever.
Even though I don't have much experience with AOL's tools, though, I could probably figure them out with a little screwing around. So if you get stuck, feel free to give me a holler (I'm at mizducky@drizzle.com). Hope this helps at least a little bit!
/the duck
(Zappa geek from tribe.net)
# posted by 
: 6:47 PM
: 6:47 PM
Miz Ducky, you are a wonderful person. I did what you said and while I'd like to say things worked perfectly, unfortunately what I got instead was a little sign saying I can't change anything.
Apparently the website was designed using a different software than 1-2-3 Publish or whatever. It says I have to use that software to get in and change it. I can't do that because the software is PC-based and in Virginia with the lady who used to change my stuff.
However, just in case I ever DO get control of my site I'm going to keep your easy-to-understand instructions on file because I have a brain like a sieve.
Thank you again!
TT
Apparently the website was designed using a different software than 1-2-3 Publish or whatever. It says I have to use that software to get in and change it. I can't do that because the software is PC-based and in Virginia with the lady who used to change my stuff.
However, just in case I ever DO get control of my site I'm going to keep your easy-to-understand instructions on file because I have a brain like a sieve.
Thank you again!
TT
Nan: As I mentioned to Miz Ducky, things are not as they seem.
I do still want you to show me how to make Italics and stuff on the blog and who knows -- maybe even add PICTURES???
We just need to set up a time. Which I'm trying hard to find.
And I will bring the table.
TT
Post a Comment
I do still want you to show me how to make Italics and stuff on the blog and who knows -- maybe even add PICTURES???
We just need to set up a time. Which I'm trying hard to find.
And I will bring the table.
TT
