Monday, August 29, 2005
ANY STATION, ANY NETWORK, RIGHT NOW:
ANCHORMAN: Well, Hurricane Katrina is headed straight for New Orleans and parts beyond. It's a level 4 hurricane, meaning it could literally strip the skin off your body. For more on that, here's our cub reporter who we send into ridiculous situations like this because she's too scared, inexperienced and stupid to say no, Tina Schlub. What's it like out there, Tina?
TINA (barely audible above the howling wind, Tina, who only owns one good set of clothes, which she bought with her first paycheck and is wearing in spite of the horrible weather, is already soaking wet): Well, Bill, Katrina has, as you can see, definitely come inland, with winds of up to 150 miles an hour, and enough rain to give everyone in this town an enema, ten times over.
(A drowned horse floats by in the background)
As you can see, because I lost the F*&^ing poker game in the newsroom this morning, I'm standing in about 4 and a half feet of water, waste material and unearthed corpses, because New Orleans is UNDER sea level and I'm the poor schmuck who has to stand here and say unbelievably predictable things, like it's F*&^^NG RAINING! LIKE YOU COULDN'T FIGURE THAT OUT BY STICKING YOUR DAMN CAJUN HEADS OUT THE G*(^^_AMN WINDOW! God, I should've gone to medical school...
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Do people just not remember "Walking on Sunshine," or have I missed the obvious joke to do a hurricane report showing the rough waves at the beach and put up a super that says "Katrina and the Waves?"
------
Two days till my vacation starts. 3 days till I'm in Atlanta. Woo Hoo!
TT
ANCHORMAN: Well, Hurricane Katrina is headed straight for New Orleans and parts beyond. It's a level 4 hurricane, meaning it could literally strip the skin off your body. For more on that, here's our cub reporter who we send into ridiculous situations like this because she's too scared, inexperienced and stupid to say no, Tina Schlub. What's it like out there, Tina?
TINA (barely audible above the howling wind, Tina, who only owns one good set of clothes, which she bought with her first paycheck and is wearing in spite of the horrible weather, is already soaking wet): Well, Bill, Katrina has, as you can see, definitely come inland, with winds of up to 150 miles an hour, and enough rain to give everyone in this town an enema, ten times over.
(A drowned horse floats by in the background)
As you can see, because I lost the F*&^ing poker game in the newsroom this morning, I'm standing in about 4 and a half feet of water, waste material and unearthed corpses, because New Orleans is UNDER sea level and I'm the poor schmuck who has to stand here and say unbelievably predictable things, like it's F*&^^NG RAINING! LIKE YOU COULDN'T FIGURE THAT OUT BY STICKING YOUR DAMN CAJUN HEADS OUT THE G*(^^_AMN WINDOW! God, I should've gone to medical school...
------
Do people just not remember "Walking on Sunshine," or have I missed the obvious joke to do a hurricane report showing the rough waves at the beach and put up a super that says "Katrina and the Waves?"
------
Two days till my vacation starts. 3 days till I'm in Atlanta. Woo Hoo!
TT
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