Tuesday, December 20, 2005
SCOTTSDALE IS STUPID
Okay, let's see if I got this straight:
According to the new laws of the city of Scottsdale, AZ, a dancer is now considered topless (or seminude) if she wears a bikini bottom that completely covers the buttocks, and a bra that covers her nipples.
Okay, ladies, think about this a minute. If you wear a bikini top in public in Scottsdale, you are officially topless.
Look: I haven't been in a tittie bar in so long that I don't even remember the last time I WAS in a tittie bar. But if I were to go into a tittie bar, I would expect to see TITTIES. They're why if you look up "tittie bar" in a dictionary, there will be a picture of TITTIES.
It gets better, by the way. If you want to have a topless bar in Scottsdale, your dancers can't be topless and they can't be within four feet of the audience. How are you supposed to tip them?
I think somebody should test this stupid law by (on purpose) complaining that belly dancers, whose buttocks are fully covered and who wear bras, are dancing in restaurants in SCOTTSDALE! OH MY GOD!!!!, and they are being TOUCHED by the customers in the restaurant who are STICKING MONEY IN THEIR BELTS AND BRAS.
How can the city of Scottsdale not see how STUPID this is?
BUT WAIT! IT GETS STUPIDER! The new law says that ladies who do NOT work at the topless bar may wear whatever they like as CUSTOMERS of the bar, and may in fact be exposing more cleavage than anybody who actually WORKS in the bar, and not be cited for indecency.
All this fuss over the city's TWO TITTIE BARS. That's right. Scottsdale has TWO topless bars. They've both been there for 30 freakin' years. And now that a famous person (porno star Jenna Jameson) has bought one of them, some conservative twit lawyer who thinks the Taliban is too liberal is trying to close them on religious grounds (he won't admit that but it's true), disguised as "toughing the definition of seminude."
AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Fer Chrissake, they're two hunks of fat with brown circles! Most of the men on the city council have bigger tits than the dancers! GET OVER IT!
I hope Jenna Jameson does to these idiots in court figuratively what she's really good at literally. And soon.
Stupid Scottsdale...
TT
Okay, let's see if I got this straight:
According to the new laws of the city of Scottsdale, AZ, a dancer is now considered topless (or seminude) if she wears a bikini bottom that completely covers the buttocks, and a bra that covers her nipples.
Okay, ladies, think about this a minute. If you wear a bikini top in public in Scottsdale, you are officially topless.
Look: I haven't been in a tittie bar in so long that I don't even remember the last time I WAS in a tittie bar. But if I were to go into a tittie bar, I would expect to see TITTIES. They're why if you look up "tittie bar" in a dictionary, there will be a picture of TITTIES.
It gets better, by the way. If you want to have a topless bar in Scottsdale, your dancers can't be topless and they can't be within four feet of the audience. How are you supposed to tip them?
I think somebody should test this stupid law by (on purpose) complaining that belly dancers, whose buttocks are fully covered and who wear bras, are dancing in restaurants in SCOTTSDALE! OH MY GOD!!!!, and they are being TOUCHED by the customers in the restaurant who are STICKING MONEY IN THEIR BELTS AND BRAS.
How can the city of Scottsdale not see how STUPID this is?
BUT WAIT! IT GETS STUPIDER! The new law says that ladies who do NOT work at the topless bar may wear whatever they like as CUSTOMERS of the bar, and may in fact be exposing more cleavage than anybody who actually WORKS in the bar, and not be cited for indecency.
All this fuss over the city's TWO TITTIE BARS. That's right. Scottsdale has TWO topless bars. They've both been there for 30 freakin' years. And now that a famous person (porno star Jenna Jameson) has bought one of them, some conservative twit lawyer who thinks the Taliban is too liberal is trying to close them on religious grounds (he won't admit that but it's true), disguised as "toughing the definition of seminude."
AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Fer Chrissake, they're two hunks of fat with brown circles! Most of the men on the city council have bigger tits than the dancers! GET OVER IT!
I hope Jenna Jameson does to these idiots in court figuratively what she's really good at literally. And soon.
Stupid Scottsdale...
TT
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