Wednesday, August 30, 2006
TO BE HONEST, I'VE NEVER HAD ANY COMPLAINTS
I tend to ignore all junk e-mail, since I get maybe hundreds of junk e-mails every day. But every so often, as I'm scrolling through stuff to trash, a subject line will catch my eye.
This morning, sticking out from amongst the Nigerian scams, Viagra ads and stock tips for companies that don't exist, was this little ditty:
"Would you like a mile-sized penis?"
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Let's ponder this for a minute. Can you even imagine having a dick that was 5,280 feet long? With a penis like that you could wrap yourself (and a friend) inside of it like a coccoon for warmth. You would be constantly tripping over yourself. So would your neighbors! And unfortunately, you could probably never get an erection because you most certainly would pass out.
Of course, the subject line doesn't say "mile-long;" just "mile-sized." Maybe they meant "mile-high." That's even worse!
Let's pursue the copy of this masterpiece, shall we? Copy in quotations, my comments after each quote.
"Do you know why Katherine the Great liked to fuck with her horse?"
Uhhh..because he was really gullible?
"Right, because of the size of his dick."
Oh, F*CK her horse, not F*CK WITH her horse. Sorry.
"If you had taken Advanced Gain Pro at that time..."
...You would now be over 250 years old.
"...you could have been her lover too."
Really? That's all it would have taken to shtup Katherine the Great? A mile-sized dick caused by a nutritional supplement that wouldn't be invented for nearly three centuries? DAMN! Those 18th-century Russians had all the fun. One question though: would the horse be pissed off? Last thing you wanna do when you're buck-naked with a mile-long hard-on, trying to get it to stay hard without passing out while you're doing royalty is to have the horse in the room get angry. Then you're using your dick to lasso it...
"Advanced Gain Pro Penis Enlargement Pills..."
Are you KIDDING me? What a name...
"... are prepared by a proprietary method
that combines 100% natural ingredients formulated according
to the principles of Chinese Herbal Medicine. "
A little tiger penis here, a little rhino horn there...
I love the name Pro Penis. Like there are professional fornicators out there, and YOU CAN BE ONE OF THEM!
I've never had anyone pay me for the use of my penis. A couple standing ovations, but no money. So does that make me an amateur?
"http://www.tirtonest.com/h/s/?GInN6mqEmiO4o"
I'm not gonna go there, but you can if you want.
------
I will be at Coppercon this weekend in Tempe, playing music, hawking CDs and doing skiffy things.
No concert scheduled but I'll hit the circles, for sure.
TT
I tend to ignore all junk e-mail, since I get maybe hundreds of junk e-mails every day. But every so often, as I'm scrolling through stuff to trash, a subject line will catch my eye.
This morning, sticking out from amongst the Nigerian scams, Viagra ads and stock tips for companies that don't exist, was this little ditty:
"Would you like a mile-sized penis?"
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Let's ponder this for a minute. Can you even imagine having a dick that was 5,280 feet long? With a penis like that you could wrap yourself (and a friend) inside of it like a coccoon for warmth. You would be constantly tripping over yourself. So would your neighbors! And unfortunately, you could probably never get an erection because you most certainly would pass out.
Of course, the subject line doesn't say "mile-long;" just "mile-sized." Maybe they meant "mile-high." That's even worse!
Let's pursue the copy of this masterpiece, shall we? Copy in quotations, my comments after each quote.
"Do you know why Katherine the Great liked to fuck with her horse?"
Uhhh..because he was really gullible?
"Right, because of the size of his dick."
Oh, F*CK her horse, not F*CK WITH her horse. Sorry.
"If you had taken Advanced Gain Pro at that time..."
...You would now be over 250 years old.
"...you could have been her lover too."
Really? That's all it would have taken to shtup Katherine the Great? A mile-sized dick caused by a nutritional supplement that wouldn't be invented for nearly three centuries? DAMN! Those 18th-century Russians had all the fun. One question though: would the horse be pissed off? Last thing you wanna do when you're buck-naked with a mile-long hard-on, trying to get it to stay hard without passing out while you're doing royalty is to have the horse in the room get angry. Then you're using your dick to lasso it...
"Advanced Gain Pro Penis Enlargement Pills..."
Are you KIDDING me? What a name...
"... are prepared by a proprietary method
that combines 100% natural ingredients formulated according
to the principles of Chinese Herbal Medicine. "
A little tiger penis here, a little rhino horn there...
I love the name Pro Penis. Like there are professional fornicators out there, and YOU CAN BE ONE OF THEM!
I've never had anyone pay me for the use of my penis. A couple standing ovations, but no money. So does that make me an amateur?
"http://www.tirtonest.com/h/s/?GInN6mqEmiO4o"
I'm not gonna go there, but you can if you want.
------
I will be at Coppercon this weekend in Tempe, playing music, hawking CDs and doing skiffy things.
No concert scheduled but I'll hit the circles, for sure.
TT
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