Friday, December 08, 2006
MY HOLIDAY LIST
If it's not too much to ask, this holiday season, or at least sometime before the polar ice caps melt and we all drown, I would like:
- To see the Cubs get to the World Series. They don't even have to win, dammit! Just get there!
- To meet a Beatle.
- To go on at least one vacation where I'm basically naked the whole time.
- To teach at least one or two friends of mine how to give a massage so that I'm not the only one giving the massages all the time. I like receiving, too...
- To book more gigs next year. I am not happy with my gig-to-number-of-CDs-in-the-garage ratio right now.
- To get my jacuzzi fixed. (I just need a weekend with nothing going on. This is harder than you think.)
- To eventually try -- just once -- a small, harmless but effective amount of some naturally-based hallucinogen, like a mushroom, just to see what it's like. While listening to the Beatles.
- To be French-kissed by a woman with a tongue piercing, just to see what it feels like. (Men reading this are probably thinking, you're aiming way too high, but I'm trying to be REASONABLE. Plus, anything like that would have to be approved by Major League Baseball, and she doesn't let me do that stuff with just ANYBODY. You should SEE all the applications she throws away.)
- To own a Martin. Or a Taylor. Or both.
- To stop feeling like an idiot and talking like a dolt when I have to make small talk with women I don't know very well. (I am here to tell you, DON'T grow up Catholic. It's awful.)
- To play at least one instrument the correct way. Blow people's minds.
- To stop having buyer's remorse when I buy stuff I really need, like socks. Or food.
- To sell LOTS of CDs this month. (Hint Hint. They make great Christmas Presents. And I need to buy socks.)
- To have more people who listen to my "Zappa Universe" show write me a note about it.
- To have an eighth day added to the week.
- To get off my ass and send my new CD to more radio stations.
- To see my wife surprise the hell out of everybody and grab someone in her dance troupe by the lapels and kiss them hard on the lips like Daffy Duck: MMMMMMMMMMMAHHH!!!
- To eventually have the wherewithal to tip someone $100. Just to know that I had.
- You to have a great holiday.
TT
If it's not too much to ask, this holiday season, or at least sometime before the polar ice caps melt and we all drown, I would like:
- To see the Cubs get to the World Series. They don't even have to win, dammit! Just get there!
- To meet a Beatle.
- To go on at least one vacation where I'm basically naked the whole time.
- To teach at least one or two friends of mine how to give a massage so that I'm not the only one giving the massages all the time. I like receiving, too...
- To book more gigs next year. I am not happy with my gig-to-number-of-CDs-in-the-garage ratio right now.
- To get my jacuzzi fixed. (I just need a weekend with nothing going on. This is harder than you think.)
- To eventually try -- just once -- a small, harmless but effective amount of some naturally-based hallucinogen, like a mushroom, just to see what it's like. While listening to the Beatles.
- To be French-kissed by a woman with a tongue piercing, just to see what it feels like. (Men reading this are probably thinking, you're aiming way too high, but I'm trying to be REASONABLE. Plus, anything like that would have to be approved by Major League Baseball, and she doesn't let me do that stuff with just ANYBODY. You should SEE all the applications she throws away.)
- To own a Martin. Or a Taylor. Or both.
- To stop feeling like an idiot and talking like a dolt when I have to make small talk with women I don't know very well. (I am here to tell you, DON'T grow up Catholic. It's awful.)
- To play at least one instrument the correct way. Blow people's minds.
- To stop having buyer's remorse when I buy stuff I really need, like socks. Or food.
- To sell LOTS of CDs this month. (Hint Hint. They make great Christmas Presents. And I need to buy socks.)
- To have more people who listen to my "Zappa Universe" show write me a note about it.
- To have an eighth day added to the week.
- To get off my ass and send my new CD to more radio stations.
- To see my wife surprise the hell out of everybody and grab someone in her dance troupe by the lapels and kiss them hard on the lips like Daffy Duck: MMMMMMMMMMMAHHH!!!
- To eventually have the wherewithal to tip someone $100. Just to know that I had.
- You to have a great holiday.
TT
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