Monday, March 26, 2007
UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY DEPARTMENT
There's a talk show in the mornings on C-SPAN that takes live calls. In what is probably a subtle marketing ploy, but at the same time is probably a good demographic checker, the phone numbers are posted on the screen for where to call:
Republicans: 1-202-737-0001
Democrats: 1-202-737-0002
Typical. Then underneath that:
Independents: 202-628-0205
That's right! We independent voters get a phone number that's not only TOTALLY DIFFERENT but also hard to remember!
Because we're independent. And we LIKE it that way.
This got me to wondering: what if they started separating for other groups?
Old People Set In their ways: 202-PE7-0003
Dadaists: 202-Giraffe quaffing beer on a life raft
Teenage Girls: Like 202 Like 7 and then there's like a 3 and then like another 7 which is so cool because there's like TWO sevens! etc. etc.
------
I closed the Phoenix folk festival yesterday. Had a good time playing for about 20 folks who hung out to see me.
Good to hear some of the people who come from as far away as Vermont to play this thing every year.
TT
There's a talk show in the mornings on C-SPAN that takes live calls. In what is probably a subtle marketing ploy, but at the same time is probably a good demographic checker, the phone numbers are posted on the screen for where to call:
Republicans: 1-202-737-0001
Democrats: 1-202-737-0002
Typical. Then underneath that:
Independents: 202-628-0205
That's right! We independent voters get a phone number that's not only TOTALLY DIFFERENT but also hard to remember!
Because we're independent. And we LIKE it that way.
This got me to wondering: what if they started separating for other groups?
Old People Set In their ways: 202-PE7-0003
Dadaists: 202-Giraffe quaffing beer on a life raft
Teenage Girls: Like 202 Like 7 and then there's like a 3 and then like another 7 which is so cool because there's like TWO sevens! etc. etc.
------
I closed the Phoenix folk festival yesterday. Had a good time playing for about 20 folks who hung out to see me.
Good to hear some of the people who come from as far away as Vermont to play this thing every year.
TT
Saturday, March 24, 2007
HOW DO HUMANS SURVIVE ON THIS PLANET?
Consider China.
Nearly 5,000 years of recorded history as a nation. Scores of dynasties. Political upheaval. The invention of the abacus.
Pasta.
Taoism.
Confuscianism.
The Panda.
There's a good argument that they invented money.
Now, a country trying in vain to hang on to Communism as a government while openly practicing capitalism because they know it works.
Yet after all that time...
...all that history...
...all that tasty, yummy food...
...no one has ever had the sense to say to the shipping guys:
"DON'T SPRAY RAT POISON ON THE WHEAT, ASSHOLE!"
Didn't Confuscius say that at some point?
Needless to say, we have been watching our dog (who eats only dry food) for the last week. What I don't get is why the dry food makers would get wheat that wasn't sprayed with rat poison and the other guys would. Some vast, Chinese wet dog food conspiracy?
I mean, who thinks this is a good idea in the first place? Probably some guy who's been feeding sprayed wheat to his family for years and can't understand why his grandchildren all have three eyes and a horn.
If you have a dog or especially a cat I hope they're all fine.
------
Tonight I'm playing at the Paisley Violin, 1030 NW Grand with Alden Powers and others. Come on out! 8 p.m.
Tomorrow I'm at the Phoenix Folk Festival at 4:30, in the Clubhouse! Come on out!
TT
Consider China.
Nearly 5,000 years of recorded history as a nation. Scores of dynasties. Political upheaval. The invention of the abacus.
Pasta.
Taoism.
Confuscianism.
The Panda.
There's a good argument that they invented money.
Now, a country trying in vain to hang on to Communism as a government while openly practicing capitalism because they know it works.
Yet after all that time...
...all that history...
...all that tasty, yummy food...
...no one has ever had the sense to say to the shipping guys:
"DON'T SPRAY RAT POISON ON THE WHEAT, ASSHOLE!"
Didn't Confuscius say that at some point?
Needless to say, we have been watching our dog (who eats only dry food) for the last week. What I don't get is why the dry food makers would get wheat that wasn't sprayed with rat poison and the other guys would. Some vast, Chinese wet dog food conspiracy?
I mean, who thinks this is a good idea in the first place? Probably some guy who's been feeding sprayed wheat to his family for years and can't understand why his grandchildren all have three eyes and a horn.
If you have a dog or especially a cat I hope they're all fine.
------
Tonight I'm playing at the Paisley Violin, 1030 NW Grand with Alden Powers and others. Come on out! 8 p.m.
Tomorrow I'm at the Phoenix Folk Festival at 4:30, in the Clubhouse! Come on out!
TT
Thursday, March 15, 2007
TUERFF, TUERFF, BO BUERFF, BONANA FANNA FO FUERFF, FEE FI MO MUERFF. TUERFF! DAMMIT!
Attention everybody: I've had enough of this.
My last name is spelled T-u-e-r-f-f.
Six letters. Tuerff. It's not hard.
I'm complaining about this because every time my name has appeared in print somewhere this year, IT'S SPELLED WRONG.
And the worst part is, most of these events are occurring with people and places who should KNOW BETTER.
I get promotional pages to pass out for events I play where my name is spelled correctly on the envelope, but totally botched on the promotional material! How does that happen?
It's not Teurff, (you can actually GOOGLE that and find an article about me, and in the rest of the ARTICLE it's spelled correctly) , it's not Tuereff, Truff, Turff, Terff, Trafe, Truffle, Tuff or Treff.
Okay?
TUERFF. Pronounced "Turf." Like Astroturf. Not "Tu-reff," "Twerff," Or, as some guy in a hospital emergency room once decided to pronounce it, "Taylor."
Sheesh.
------
I don't watch "American Idol" but I'm fascinated at this situation they have going now where this one really mediocre kid keeps not getting voted off.
This is apparently due to three things:
1. Votes from teenage girls who think this guy is "cute" and don't care that he can't sing;
2. Votes generated from a website called www.votefortheworst.com;
3. I heard this Morning that Howard Stern is telling his listeners to vote for this kid in an effort to make him the champ, thereby embarrassing the show, and possibly getting it tossed off the air.
I find this all very amusing but I gotta feel for the producers of the show. The winner MUST get a record contract. Of course, if he wins they could always give him the contract, take him in, make an album that won't sell, pay him off and boom. End of story. Big loss of money but hey, it happens.
Prediction: Before they do another season of this, they will add a rule that allows the judges/producers/etc. to overrule the audience when it appears that Armchair America has no taste.
Oh, wait a minute...that would be like always.
------
I've added a whole bunch of gigs. My webmistress hasn't made the changes yet to tomtuerff.com but you can also find them at www.myspace.com/tomtuerffmusic
TT
Attention everybody: I've had enough of this.
My last name is spelled T-u-e-r-f-f.
Six letters. Tuerff. It's not hard.
I'm complaining about this because every time my name has appeared in print somewhere this year, IT'S SPELLED WRONG.
And the worst part is, most of these events are occurring with people and places who should KNOW BETTER.
I get promotional pages to pass out for events I play where my name is spelled correctly on the envelope, but totally botched on the promotional material! How does that happen?
It's not Teurff, (you can actually GOOGLE that and find an article about me, and in the rest of the ARTICLE it's spelled correctly) , it's not Tuereff, Truff, Turff, Terff, Trafe, Truffle, Tuff or Treff.
Okay?
TUERFF. Pronounced "Turf." Like Astroturf. Not "Tu-reff," "Twerff," Or, as some guy in a hospital emergency room once decided to pronounce it, "Taylor."
Sheesh.
------
I don't watch "American Idol" but I'm fascinated at this situation they have going now where this one really mediocre kid keeps not getting voted off.
This is apparently due to three things:
1. Votes from teenage girls who think this guy is "cute" and don't care that he can't sing;
2. Votes generated from a website called www.votefortheworst.com;
3. I heard this Morning that Howard Stern is telling his listeners to vote for this kid in an effort to make him the champ, thereby embarrassing the show, and possibly getting it tossed off the air.
I find this all very amusing but I gotta feel for the producers of the show. The winner MUST get a record contract. Of course, if he wins they could always give him the contract, take him in, make an album that won't sell, pay him off and boom. End of story. Big loss of money but hey, it happens.
Prediction: Before they do another season of this, they will add a rule that allows the judges/producers/etc. to overrule the audience when it appears that Armchair America has no taste.
Oh, wait a minute...that would be like always.
------
I've added a whole bunch of gigs. My webmistress hasn't made the changes yet to tomtuerff.com but you can also find them at www.myspace.com/tomtuerffmusic
TT
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
NO COMMENT NECESSARY...
I have no idea who did this, but I like it.
TT
I have no idea who did this, but I like it.
TT
Thursday, March 01, 2007
ADVENTURES IN WHOVILLE
TIME NEEDED TO FIND A PARKING SPACE: 30 seconds. I lucked out.
TIME NEEDED TO FIND TOM P., WHO GRACIOUSLY OFFERED ME HIS OTHER TICKET FOR FREE!:
About a minute.
MEDIAN AGE OF THE CROWD: 45-50. We are definitely not dying before we get old.
YOUNGEST KID IN THE CROWD THAT I SAW: About 8 years old.
NUMBER OF PEOPLE I SAW IN WHEELCHAIRS WHO APPEARED TO NEED THEM DUE TO AGE, RATHER THAN A DEBILITATING ILLNESS: 3.
SCHEDULED TIME THE CONCERT WAS SUPPOSED TO START: 7:30.
ACTUAL TIME THAT THE OPENING ACT, THE TRAGICALLY HIP, FIRST WALKED ON STAGE:
7:30 on the dot! Amazing.
ELAPSED TIME BEFORE I REALIZED THAT I WOULD NOT BE BUYING A TRAGICALLY HIP CD, BECAUSE BASICALLY, THESE GUYS COULDN'T WRITE AN INTERESTING MELODY IF THEIR LIVES DEPENDED ON IT: About 10 minutes.
TIME THE WHO WALKED ON STAGE: 8:35.
ELAPSED TIME FROM WHEN THE WHO WALKED ON STAGE TO THE FIRST MOMENT I SMELLED MARIJUANA: One HOUR. We are DEFINITELY getting old.
ODDEST PIECE OF WARDROBE: Pete Townshend wore a suitcoat for the entire show, only taking it off after returning for the encore. He didn't even take it off when it was obviously getting in the way.
THE DORIAN GRAY AWARD: Roger Daltrey. We should all look that good at his age (incidentally, today is Roger's 63rd birthday. He doesn't look a day over 40.).
THE "F*$% DORIAN GRAY ALL TO HELL" AWARD: Pete Townshend. He DOES look every bit of his 61 years. Nevertheless, he still windmilled his ass off and jumped around the stage like a schoolboy on Red Bull.
BAND NOTES;
Pleasant surprise: Simon Townshend, Pete's brother, on second guitar and vocals.
Zak Starkey is no Keith Moon. But he's as close as anybody's ever gonna get. Which makes sense, since Keith (not Ringo) bought Zak his first professional set of drums and gave Zak lessons for a couple of years.
The older Zak Starkey gets (he's 41 now), the more he looks like Ringo. During songs that don't require much effort from the drummer (such as Eminence Front), his drumming style got VERY Ringo-like.
Bassist Pino Palladino is no John "OX" Entwistle. But he was fine. The only "OX"-like thing he was required to do was the bass solo in "My Generation" and predictably, his playing sounded NOTHING like John's, but that's okay.
John "Rabbit" Bundrick is as much a member of The Who as any of them, and played fine keyboards all night.
SONG I NEVER EXPECTED THEM TO PLAY, BUT THEY DID: The Seeker. Second song of the night. That's my favorite Who song and you never hear it anymore.
SONG THE AUDIENCE KEPT YELLING FOR, BUT THEY DIDN'T PLAY LAST NIGHT AND HAVEN'T PLAYED IT THIS WHOLE TOUR:
Magic Bus.
SONG I KEPT HOPING THEY'D DO, BUT THEY DIDN'T: I Can See For Miles
MOST OBSCURE SONG THEY PLAYED: Naked Eye, the B-side of their single "Join Together With the Band.
BEST THING ABOUT THE VISUAL EFFECTS: The projection screens. They moved together, and apart, and were perfectly synced all night.
WORST THING ABOUT THE VISUAL EFFECTS: The projection screens. With very few exceptions, the visuals for each song were made to last EXACTLY as long as the song, which made the whole show seem a little "canned." It was still good, though.
BEST SONG FROM THE NEW ALBUM: "Man in the Purple Dress." GOOOOOD song, Maynard.
THE WIERDEST "TOMMY" MEDLEY EVER: Pinball Wizard/Captain Walker (a 30-second prelude on the album; a ten-minute jam at the show)/Sparks/See Me, Feel Me
STRANGEST RECORDED ANNOUNCEMENT I'VE EVER HEARD: "Don't forget to order your OFFICIAL BOOTLEG of tonight's performance at..."
"Official Bootleg?" Wha???
TIME IT TOOK TO GET OUT OF THE AUDITORIUM ONCE I DECIDED TO LEAVE: About two minutes. That place empties fast.
TIME IT TOOK TO GET MY CAR OUT OF THE PARKING LOT AND ON THE WAY HOME: About 30 seconds. I lucked out!
TIME IT WILL TAKE TO GET MY HEARING BACK: What?
TIME IT WILL TAKE TO GET MY HEARING BACK: WHAT??!! SPEAK UP, DAMMIT!
TT
TIME NEEDED TO FIND A PARKING SPACE: 30 seconds. I lucked out.
TIME NEEDED TO FIND TOM P., WHO GRACIOUSLY OFFERED ME HIS OTHER TICKET FOR FREE!:
About a minute.
MEDIAN AGE OF THE CROWD: 45-50. We are definitely not dying before we get old.
YOUNGEST KID IN THE CROWD THAT I SAW: About 8 years old.
NUMBER OF PEOPLE I SAW IN WHEELCHAIRS WHO APPEARED TO NEED THEM DUE TO AGE, RATHER THAN A DEBILITATING ILLNESS: 3.
SCHEDULED TIME THE CONCERT WAS SUPPOSED TO START: 7:30.
ACTUAL TIME THAT THE OPENING ACT, THE TRAGICALLY HIP, FIRST WALKED ON STAGE:
7:30 on the dot! Amazing.
ELAPSED TIME BEFORE I REALIZED THAT I WOULD NOT BE BUYING A TRAGICALLY HIP CD, BECAUSE BASICALLY, THESE GUYS COULDN'T WRITE AN INTERESTING MELODY IF THEIR LIVES DEPENDED ON IT: About 10 minutes.
TIME THE WHO WALKED ON STAGE: 8:35.
ELAPSED TIME FROM WHEN THE WHO WALKED ON STAGE TO THE FIRST MOMENT I SMELLED MARIJUANA: One HOUR. We are DEFINITELY getting old.
ODDEST PIECE OF WARDROBE: Pete Townshend wore a suitcoat for the entire show, only taking it off after returning for the encore. He didn't even take it off when it was obviously getting in the way.
THE DORIAN GRAY AWARD: Roger Daltrey. We should all look that good at his age (incidentally, today is Roger's 63rd birthday. He doesn't look a day over 40.).
THE "F*$% DORIAN GRAY ALL TO HELL" AWARD: Pete Townshend. He DOES look every bit of his 61 years. Nevertheless, he still windmilled his ass off and jumped around the stage like a schoolboy on Red Bull.
BAND NOTES;
Pleasant surprise: Simon Townshend, Pete's brother, on second guitar and vocals.
Zak Starkey is no Keith Moon. But he's as close as anybody's ever gonna get. Which makes sense, since Keith (not Ringo) bought Zak his first professional set of drums and gave Zak lessons for a couple of years.
The older Zak Starkey gets (he's 41 now), the more he looks like Ringo. During songs that don't require much effort from the drummer (such as Eminence Front), his drumming style got VERY Ringo-like.
Bassist Pino Palladino is no John "OX" Entwistle. But he was fine. The only "OX"-like thing he was required to do was the bass solo in "My Generation" and predictably, his playing sounded NOTHING like John's, but that's okay.
John "Rabbit" Bundrick is as much a member of The Who as any of them, and played fine keyboards all night.
SONG I NEVER EXPECTED THEM TO PLAY, BUT THEY DID: The Seeker. Second song of the night. That's my favorite Who song and you never hear it anymore.
SONG THE AUDIENCE KEPT YELLING FOR, BUT THEY DIDN'T PLAY LAST NIGHT AND HAVEN'T PLAYED IT THIS WHOLE TOUR:
Magic Bus.
SONG I KEPT HOPING THEY'D DO, BUT THEY DIDN'T: I Can See For Miles
MOST OBSCURE SONG THEY PLAYED: Naked Eye, the B-side of their single "Join Together With the Band.
BEST THING ABOUT THE VISUAL EFFECTS: The projection screens. They moved together, and apart, and were perfectly synced all night.
WORST THING ABOUT THE VISUAL EFFECTS: The projection screens. With very few exceptions, the visuals for each song were made to last EXACTLY as long as the song, which made the whole show seem a little "canned." It was still good, though.
BEST SONG FROM THE NEW ALBUM: "Man in the Purple Dress." GOOOOOD song, Maynard.
THE WIERDEST "TOMMY" MEDLEY EVER: Pinball Wizard/Captain Walker (a 30-second prelude on the album; a ten-minute jam at the show)/Sparks/See Me, Feel Me
STRANGEST RECORDED ANNOUNCEMENT I'VE EVER HEARD: "Don't forget to order your OFFICIAL BOOTLEG of tonight's performance at..."
"Official Bootleg?" Wha???
TIME IT TOOK TO GET OUT OF THE AUDITORIUM ONCE I DECIDED TO LEAVE: About two minutes. That place empties fast.
TIME IT TOOK TO GET MY CAR OUT OF THE PARKING LOT AND ON THE WAY HOME: About 30 seconds. I lucked out!
TIME IT WILL TAKE TO GET MY HEARING BACK: What?
TIME IT WILL TAKE TO GET MY HEARING BACK: WHAT??!! SPEAK UP, DAMMIT!
TT
