Wednesday, April 09, 2008
WHEN I AM KING:
- I will absolutely FORBID, on pain of death, any professional athlete from recording a local radio commercial without first learning how to read like an announcer.
I'msosickofhearingradiocommercialsthatsoundlikethisbecausenobodyhastheballstotellaguywho'salreadymaking20,000,000dollarsasecondthathesoundsboringandrushedandnobody'sgoingtobelievehimmuchlessevenrememberwhatthefuckhe'stalkingaboutohGODthispissesmeofftonoend...
- There will be no more reality TV "contests." Your king (me) has determined that this stuff is bad for you. If you won't stop watching it voluntarily, I will force it upon you for your own good.
- Phoenix will have clothing optional parks and pools. If a guy can walk around shirtless with tits, women should be able to do it, too. (This is already legal in New York state, where you only really WANT to be topless about three months out of the year.)
- Your king will legalize marijuana, even though your king has never smoked it. I will then tax the shit out of it and we'll all be happy because your king will use the proceeds to balance the budget, set up clothing-optional parks, make TV better and pursue athletes posing as announcers.
Your king has spoken. Peel me a grape.
TT
- I will absolutely FORBID, on pain of death, any professional athlete from recording a local radio commercial without first learning how to read like an announcer.
I'msosickofhearingradiocommercialsthatsoundlikethisbecausenobodyhastheballstotellaguywho'salreadymaking20,000,000dollarsasecondthathesoundsboringandrushedandnobody'sgoingtobelievehimmuchlessevenrememberwhatthefuckhe'stalkingaboutohGODthispissesmeofftonoend...
- There will be no more reality TV "contests." Your king (me) has determined that this stuff is bad for you. If you won't stop watching it voluntarily, I will force it upon you for your own good.
- Phoenix will have clothing optional parks and pools. If a guy can walk around shirtless with tits, women should be able to do it, too. (This is already legal in New York state, where you only really WANT to be topless about three months out of the year.)
- Your king will legalize marijuana, even though your king has never smoked it. I will then tax the shit out of it and we'll all be happy because your king will use the proceeds to balance the budget, set up clothing-optional parks, make TV better and pursue athletes posing as announcers.
Your king has spoken. Peel me a grape.
TT
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