Monday, September 15, 2008
I NORMALLY DON'T BELCH ABOUT POLITICS, BUT...
Open letter to John and Obama: YOU'RE NOT RUNNING FOR DICTATOR. YOU'RE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.
YOU will not lower/raise taxes. You will work with Congress and the Senate to lower/raise taxes.
YOU will not improve education. You will work with Congress and the Senate to improve/further fuck up in the guise of improving education.
YOU will not see to it that every man, woman child and dog higher than 16 inches tall has the right to find a good-paying job. You will work with the Congress and Senate to...you get the idea.
The only thing YOU can do is tell the troops to get the f**k out of Dodge. Or Iraq.
Face it: YOU can't do SHIT on your own. For God's sake, one of you say something that makes me want to vote for you.
Let me rephrase that. Mr. Obama, say something -- ANYTHING -- that isn't just a good idea. Explain how you're gonna do it. Explain how you're going to get the House and Senate to buy it. Then I won't feel cornered when I vote for you in November. (I wouldn't vote for McCain if he WERE running for dictator. I know people who know him very well and THEY won't vote for him, either.)
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As I have mentioned before I am a Luddite when it comes to personal technology. I have a Virgin Mobile Phone which I keep in my car basically for emergencies like flat tires and I lost the shopping list, Janice -- what am I supposed to buy?
Anyway, the other day I thought maybe I'd take my cell phone -- which I've had for two years, and which I still have no idea what the phone number is -- and see what else it does. My wife's phone takes pictures (WHAT A STUPID IDEA.), downloads music (DITTO), texts, whatever the fuck that is (JUST CALL ME FER CHRISSAKE) and monitors U.S. missile installations along the west coast.
Once I learned how to access the features button on my Virgin phone (which took me about 30 times of pushing random buttons on the phone, which invariably kept turning it off), I found an option called "features," which had, near the bottom, "Internet." Okay, I can access the internet if I want to. IF I want to pay 15 a month or $1 from my current prepaid balance to try it for 24 hours.
24 hours? I didn't last 24 minutes.
So I get the dollar trial. It pulls up a Google search window. Now there's a problem.My phone has no keyboard. (I've seen those; the keys are the size of rice kernels so they can't possibly be practical.) My phone has (like most real phones in the known UNIVERSE) ten keys, eight with letter combos on them. Apparently this is fine if you can spell everything you need with the first letters on each number: A, D, G, J, M, P, T, W. You can't access any of the other letters.
For example, I decided to Google "Tom Tuerff". So I push the "T" key and sure enough a T appears in the window. So I figure if I pushed it once and got a T, if I push it again I'll get a "U".
I got another T. And another. And another. Great. I can search the word "TTTTTTT."
So apparently I can search Google on my phone as long as I'm only looking for random letters, or intent on discovering all I can about such compelling subjects as "Map," "Pam," Jag, Wat, Tap, Tad, etc.
Even if I could figure out how to do this, it seems to be a colossal waste of time which would be better spent walking or driving to a COMPUTER and LOOKING UP WHAT I WANT.
Do people REALLY type messages to each other with these things? Don't bother doing that with me 'cause I wouldn't know how to access it, much less respond to it. Phones should be for MAKING PHONE CALLS. Period. The end.
I'm gonna go put my phone back in the car where it belongs.
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I'm playing a gig tonight at the Peoria Library Auditorium. The bulk of the people who attend are from retirement communities and I bet they don't even have COMPUTERS. Much less cell phones that send messages and access the internet, which most of them believe to be a high-tech fiber fishing accessory.
7 p.m. Acoustic. Not even any scary amps. Be there.
TT
Open letter to John and Obama: YOU'RE NOT RUNNING FOR DICTATOR. YOU'RE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.
YOU will not lower/raise taxes. You will work with Congress and the Senate to lower/raise taxes.
YOU will not improve education. You will work with Congress and the Senate to improve/further fuck up in the guise of improving education.
YOU will not see to it that every man, woman child and dog higher than 16 inches tall has the right to find a good-paying job. You will work with the Congress and Senate to...you get the idea.
The only thing YOU can do is tell the troops to get the f**k out of Dodge. Or Iraq.
Face it: YOU can't do SHIT on your own. For God's sake, one of you say something that makes me want to vote for you.
Let me rephrase that. Mr. Obama, say something -- ANYTHING -- that isn't just a good idea. Explain how you're gonna do it. Explain how you're going to get the House and Senate to buy it. Then I won't feel cornered when I vote for you in November. (I wouldn't vote for McCain if he WERE running for dictator. I know people who know him very well and THEY won't vote for him, either.)
------
As I have mentioned before I am a Luddite when it comes to personal technology. I have a Virgin Mobile Phone which I keep in my car basically for emergencies like flat tires and I lost the shopping list, Janice -- what am I supposed to buy?
Anyway, the other day I thought maybe I'd take my cell phone -- which I've had for two years, and which I still have no idea what the phone number is -- and see what else it does. My wife's phone takes pictures (WHAT A STUPID IDEA.), downloads music (DITTO), texts, whatever the fuck that is (JUST CALL ME FER CHRISSAKE) and monitors U.S. missile installations along the west coast.
Once I learned how to access the features button on my Virgin phone (which took me about 30 times of pushing random buttons on the phone, which invariably kept turning it off), I found an option called "features," which had, near the bottom, "Internet." Okay, I can access the internet if I want to. IF I want to pay 15 a month or $1 from my current prepaid balance to try it for 24 hours.
24 hours? I didn't last 24 minutes.
So I get the dollar trial. It pulls up a Google search window. Now there's a problem.My phone has no keyboard. (I've seen those; the keys are the size of rice kernels so they can't possibly be practical.) My phone has (like most real phones in the known UNIVERSE) ten keys, eight with letter combos on them. Apparently this is fine if you can spell everything you need with the first letters on each number: A, D, G, J, M, P, T, W. You can't access any of the other letters.
For example, I decided to Google "Tom Tuerff". So I push the "T" key and sure enough a T appears in the window. So I figure if I pushed it once and got a T, if I push it again I'll get a "U".
I got another T. And another. And another. Great. I can search the word "TTTTTTT."
So apparently I can search Google on my phone as long as I'm only looking for random letters, or intent on discovering all I can about such compelling subjects as "Map," "Pam," Jag, Wat, Tap, Tad, etc.
Even if I could figure out how to do this, it seems to be a colossal waste of time which would be better spent walking or driving to a COMPUTER and LOOKING UP WHAT I WANT.
Do people REALLY type messages to each other with these things? Don't bother doing that with me 'cause I wouldn't know how to access it, much less respond to it. Phones should be for MAKING PHONE CALLS. Period. The end.
I'm gonna go put my phone back in the car where it belongs.
------
I'm playing a gig tonight at the Peoria Library Auditorium. The bulk of the people who attend are from retirement communities and I bet they don't even have COMPUTERS. Much less cell phones that send messages and access the internet, which most of them believe to be a high-tech fiber fishing accessory.
7 p.m. Acoustic. Not even any scary amps. Be there.
TT
Comments:
Tom,
You gave me a huge laugh for today, with your phone shenanigans. Thanks.
Are you even going to see this? I'm reading all your back "editions", so it's now November 5 and Barack Obama has been chosen as the new Leader of the World. We are the World, right?
Oh, and I don't want you to think that your phone is the only thing I find amusing about you, I just finally decided to leave a comment (which you probably will never see).
Keep on Globbing - Kemmer (Keith O'Brien's sister)
You gave me a huge laugh for today, with your phone shenanigans. Thanks.
Are you even going to see this? I'm reading all your back "editions", so it's now November 5 and Barack Obama has been chosen as the new Leader of the World. We are the World, right?
Oh, and I don't want you to think that your phone is the only thing I find amusing about you, I just finally decided to leave a comment (which you probably will never see).
Keep on Globbing - Kemmer (Keith O'Brien's sister)
# posted by 
: 11:39 AM
: 11:39 AM
Hi Kemmer: I did indeed see it; blogger.com notifies you whenever anybody comments about any blog entry. Glad you like the blog! Say hi to Keith and Carrie when you see them!
TT
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TT
