Wednesday, April 20, 2011
IN HONOR OF 4/20 (Which I still don't know what that has to do with dope):
The 10 Dumbest Things We Boomer Kids Were ‘TAUGHT’ about Marijuana By Cops Sent to Give the “Drug Talk”
Given an annual combination of school/church group/scout meetings etc., I would imagine that I heard a well-meaning cop give the “drug talk” about six times between the age of 12 and 15. The only difference with each passing year was the amount of stifled laughter emitted in the room by kids who, as they got older, were already heavily into drugs and knew we were being fed a load of horseshit.
These talks were always given by a well-meaning but ill-prepared policeman who really wanted to be out chasing bad guys. But the town I lived in didn’t have that many bad guys, so he had to give the drug talk.
You can’t really blame these guys for stretching the truth, but you got the distinct feeling sometimes that he didn’t really know all that much about drugs either, because HE didn’t use them.
Below is a list of 10 things I actually heard one cop or another say about marijuana. I could have brought up other drugs as well, but if you see what’s below you can only imagine what they told us about acid and all the other stuff.
GUARANTEE: AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER, I, AS AN ADOLESCENT, HEARD AN ADULT POLICE OFFICER SAY ALL OF THESE THINGS:
1. All marijuana looks exactly the same. It’s a five-leaved, serrated plant. People carry the leaves around like that, so you’ll know it when you see it. (Apparently they carried it around pressed in a picture frame, like the cop did. I never saw anybody like that.)
2. If you take even ONE drag off of a joint, you will be INSTANTLY ADDICTED to Marijuana. And there is no cure.
3. If you take even ONE drag off of a joint, you stand a good chance of dying. (But officer, how can you be addicted to it if you die from it? Shut up, kid…)
4. A marijuana high causes horrible hallucinations and violent outbursts.
5. Marijuana will kill you faster than cigarettes.
6. Marijuana ALWAYS – let me repeat this, kids – ALWAYS – leads to other drugs. ALWAYS. (This is usually when he would pull out another picture frame with some pills and other things pressed into it. By the way, all LSD comes on cardboard pieces with Mickey Mouse’s picture on them.)
7. If you, a minor, are caught with marijuana on your person, both you and your PARENTS will be arrested – regardless of where you are when arrested.
8. There are only two slang terms for marijuana: Pot and MaryJane.
9. No one ever smoked marijuana before the 1950s. It’s rock music’s fault.
10. Marijuana can give you flashbacks, just like LSD.
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