Wednesday, November 23, 2005


I need say nothing more except this may be the most unique idea ever.


Oh, the nuns I could have given this to...

Makes the perfect holiday, umm...



Tuesday, November 22, 2005

42 years ago today, I was sitting in my afternoon kindergarten class waiting for the final ten minutes before the bell would ring and we could go to the bus. At that moment, a "patrol boy" (an eighth grader with an orange reflector stripe who directed traffic in front of the school) ran in to our class and whispered something into the ear of Mrs. Koplow, our teacher.

She gasped and started crying; catching herself, and realizing that 25 or so kids were now staring her down, she said, "I'm afraid our president has died, children."

Now, I found this more interesting than shocking; after all I turned 6 about three weeks before and I had taught myself to read by memorizing a list of the presidents. I remember turning to the kid next to me and saying, "that means Johnson's President now!" He didn't care.

I got to my bus (Gary, IN used public buses leased to the schools instead of yellow buses) and I got to talking with the bus driver, who was as dumbstruck as the rest of America.

A couple of hours after I got home, my dad showed up from work. His birthday was November 23. I remember him saying to my mom, "helluva way to have to celebrate my birthday."

It was a Friday; so I spent the weekend glued to the TV set.

That Sunday, I was in our basement, watching the coverage of transporting Oswald from one place to another, when Jack Ruby shot him. I ran upstairs and told my dad what I had seen, and understandably, he thought I was pulling his leg.

But I guess I looked too serious to have been joking.

I remember everybody stayed home for Kennedy's funeral.

Then, three months later, the Beatles showed up on Sullivan. And the country got happy again. Except Huntley and Brinkley kept mentioning this "Vietnam" place.

I had to go home early today; felt sick as a dog. I'm better now, I think.


I played an open mic at Aunt Chilada's on Sunday night. Being the only contestant for the first hour I got to play almost a whole set! They liked me.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005



Well, we didn't get quite a full house to see Brewer and Shipley of "One Toke Over the Line" fame last Friday night at Fiddler's Dream, but the crowd was pretty big and the reception was good, and they were FANTASTIC.

They were also nice guys.


I will be at TusCon this weekend. I waited too long to book a hotel room, though, so on Friday night I'm staying across the street at the Ramada. Then on Saturday I have a room at the actual hotel.

I will be giving (for the third year in a row now) my massage demo on Friday at 11:00 p.m.

I'm also on some panels on Saturday.


JAN, in the meantime, is headed for L.A. to see the Harry Potter premiere a la Hollywood with our friends Shirley and Tom and a bunch of "out there" LA folks. Hopefully there will be stories...


Punched in a new vocal for one of my songs on my upcoming CD this past Sunday; also re-did my guitar on another song.
It's coming, it's coming...have some more vocals to add (others, not mine), which hopefully will be done on Thanksgiving Sunday.

The CD is really starting to sound good. You're all going to like it. THAT'S AN ORDER!


Wednesday, November 09, 2005




PRISSY: Lordy, we got to have a doctor! I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies!

SCARLETT: Oh, fer chrissakes, Prissy, don't give me that. How old are you?

PRISSY (stunned): Uh, 27?

SCARLETT: And how many slaves are on this plantation?

PRISSY: Well, a lot, I suppose...

SCARLETT: And in ALL THIS TIME, you've never seen a baby born?

PRISSY: Actually, no. I've been living up here at the house, Miss Scarlett. I'm as clueless as you are. Which is pretty hard to do.

SCARLETT: Shit! Well, how hard can this be? It's like nature, right? Let's just leave her alone and let her worry about it.

PRISSY: I dunno. Maybe we should do something to help the baby get out faster.

SCARLETT: Like what, Einstein?


SCARLETT: Forget it. What do you think we should do?

PRISSY: Well, the baby's got to come out the front, right?

SCARLETT: That is the usual direction, yes...

PRISSY: Well, maybe we could coax the baby out by whackin' mama's ass wit' a broom.

SCARLETT: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard! Could be good for a laugh, though...

PRISSY: That's what I'm thinkin' too!

RHETT: (Enters with a confused look on his face) What's all that screaming?

SCARLETT: Whatsername's about to have her baby! Do you know how to...

RHETT: Don't look at me! Lordy, we got to have a doctor! I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies! Wait...I know--anybody got a broom?



VITO: You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding...

GUY: Well, yeah.

VITO: You ask me to kill a man I do not know...

GUY: No, I come to you on the day of your daughter's wedding because I'm the wedding photographer.

VITO: Huh?

GUY: Come on dad, gimme a smile for the camera...(BEGINS TAKING FLASH PHOTOS)...work with me, Vito, work with me! You're a pretty flower! A pretty flower! Perfect! Now tease me, baby, tease me...lil' pout, come on...oh, you are so CUTE! Joey, bring in the wind fan! Where's my stylist? There you are. Honey, I want Vito's hair to flow with the breeze, can you comb it out? Good...






DOROTHY: Fine. I won't pay any attention to you.

WIZARD: (Coming over) You're not going to pay any attention to me?

DOROTHY: Did you hear something, Scarecrow?


LION: Not a thing.

WIZARD: Okay, I AM the Wizard. You got me. I'll give you anything you want.

DOROTHY: I sure wish the Wizard would get here.

TIN MAN: Yeah. He sure had a big, floating head.

WIZARD: That was just a trick! I assure you that I am the Wizard of Oz!

TIN MAN: Did you say something, Scarecrow?

DOROTHY: This is boring. I killed a witch, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and now I desperately wanna get laid. Let's go. There's gotta be a bar in this town.


WIZARD: But...I'm...the...wiz...DAMN IT! Why can I never make any FRIENDS!


Tuesday, November 08, 2005



If this means nothing to you it should. It's a double album and it's quite a ride. Very moody. It's called "Aerial." It's a double CD. It's on sale everywhere! Woo Hoo! Note to Kate: don't wait another 12 years, okay?


On a sad music note, I just found out that Paul Pena died on October 1. Pena was a San Francisco-based musician whose biggest claim to fame was that he wrote "Jet Airliner," a song that Steve Miller liked enough to record, have a huge hit with and basically assure that the blind, handicapped Mr. Pena would always have, if nothing else, enough to pay his rent.

I first found out about him via a wonderful film you should rent (Netflix has it) called "Ghengis Blues." See, Pena decided to teach himself Tuvan throat singing. Not an easy thing to do. But he did it -- good enough to be invited to Tuva for their annual throat-singing contest! It's a great film. See it.

Pena recorded one album in 1972 that was supposed to make him famous; but due to other people's stupidity it never got released until 2000. I highly recommend it. It's great!


Come see Brewer & Shipley at Fiddler's Dream this Friday night! 8 p.m.! I'll be there -- you be too!


Friday, November 04, 2005



...that whenever a meeting is set up at the White House, George Bush is kept in the dark about it? And if he does wander in, everybody looks at him and says, "What do YOU want?"



Last week I picked up a neat book called "To the Best of My Ability," yet another book about all the guys who've been stupid enough to be President of the United States. Each chapter has a different author but it's edited by Pulitzer winner James McPherson and it includes REALLY NEAT PICTURES of the presidents and stuff that I had never seen before. I think they went out of their way to find, whenever possible, pictures that everybody isn't tired of looking at yet. It's a fun read. Even if you're not a hopeless history buff like me.


Let's talk about another, much more pleasuable Bush: KATE!

NME magazine has had her new album, "Aerial," up for listening prior to its release next Tuesday and it's well worth the twelve year wait. Go buy this on Tuesday. I know I will.

Take a listen -- www.nme.com


Thursday, November 03, 2005



Did the Suns trade away everybody except Nash, Marion and Stoudemire?

Driving home from open stage tonight I had the game on and initially I didn't recognize any of the names of ANYBODY on the court. I had no idea who had the ball until Al McCoy said "Kobe Bryant." Okay, the Suns are playing the LAKERS. Not that the Lakers were any help. Other than Kobe I've never heard of anybody on the Lakers this year, either.

L.A. appears to have traded for a bunch of Eastern European players with names that even a seasoned veteran like McCoy has trouble pronouncing. If I remember correctly, the Lakers have a player on their team named something like Lulukchichhgknovich. And that's his first name. It's gonna be a fun year listening to announcers screw THAT up.

Hell, it took some guys a year to figure out how to say Yao Ming.


Speaking of open stage at Fiddler's Dream, we had a good one tonight. We had a couple of poets, even. As well as a couple of people I haven't seen in years. I LOVE hosting this thing.


I guess my "Go White Sox" comment worked!

My friend Nancy Freeman hosted a Halloween special on www.radiofreephoenix.com Monday night and it was fun! If she'da asked me (which she didn't and I didn't expect her to) I would've played "Haunted House" by Jumpin' Gene Simmons 'cause it's my favorite haunted house song, but other than that it was a good time!

Which is a great segueway into plugging my own show on RFP, Zappa Universe, this and every Sunday at 6 Arizona time!
This week features a cool cover version of "Peaches en Regalia" and the entire "Lumpy Gravy" album for reasons I state on the show. Check it out!


Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Today is my birthday...

(Duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH DUHH)

It's kd lang's too, yeah...

(Duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH DUHH)

It was Warren Harding's

(Duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH DUHH)

Who was a Hoo-Hoo yeah

(Duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH DUHH)

I'm glad it's my birthday

(Duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH DUHH)

Shooby dooby doo-doo!


all right, enough of that...

I'm 48 today. Yay!


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